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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Does anyone know how to use a Stair Master?

When we first moved to Colorado Springs, some very nice people from church gave us a free six-month membership to a gym that's right across the street from the church (and, awesomely, about five minutes from our house). This gift was sort of bittersweet for me because, truth be told, I really only like the idea of working out regularly. And it was really convenient when we lived in Lawrenceburg and didn't have a gym within reasonable driving distance, and I could just pretend that I was so disappointed that I couldn't actually do anything about my idea of working out regularly. Then this very generous gift appeared, and now I feel guilty for doing the same amount of working out I used to do (read: none).

Within the first two months of living here, I went to the gym twice. Maybe three times. Let's say it was three times. I was definitely getting my money's worth (free membership = no money-related guilt about being lazy!), but I wasn't exactly helping myself get back into running shape. Sidenote: Moving to high altitude is a great excuse for being a crappy runner. You can totally tell yourself you were in good shape at reasonable altitudes, and your body just hasn't adjusted to this 6800-feet-in-the-air nonsense.

Then my lovely cousin (hi, Whitney!) got engaged (!) and asked me to be a bridesmaid for her wedding at the end of May, and now I have a teensy-weensy bit of motivation to get a little fitter. Specifically, I've decided that I want to get my arms lookin' all pretty for Whitney's big day. Because we all know that's what everyone else is going to be looking at, right? And I am currently rocking the teacher flab in the tricep region.

The only problem is that I am not really adept enough with gym machinery to achieve this goal. There are two or three machines that I recognize from my previous life of semi-intensity when I semi-frequented the Vanderbilt Rec Center, so I use those machines, and there have been a few times when I've stood next to other machines and tried to figure them out (while also trying not to look like an idiot) to no avail. Apparently I'm not willing to sacrifice my dignity in front of total strangers for the sake of arm fitness.

Yesterday, I did my typical routine of using the machines I know and love, then hovering around the other arm machines, trying to convince myself that no one else would notice if it took me a minute to figure the machine out, failing to convince myself, then finally giving up and going over to the treadmill.

But yesterday - yesterday! - I decided that if I couldn't be brave with the arm machines, I would at least use a different cardio machine. For some reason, I selected the Stair Master. A decision that I now wholeheartedly regret because it seems I don't actually know how to use a Stair Master. I've seen them used before, and they seem pretty self-explanatory, but I could not make those stupid stair pedals do what I think they're supposed to do. I thought you were supposed to simulate the actual act of climbing stairs, but my Stair Master experience felt more like climbing stairs in a bad dream with a bad guy chasing me. You know those dreams where your legs feel too heavy, and you can't seem to make yourself go? I was climbing those suckers reallllly slowly.

And perhaps you've seen enough Stair Masters to know that you're about three feet in the air when you use one. The perfect height to be inconspicuous when you don't want to make a fool of yourself using new equipment in a crowded gym. What fun.

Needless to say, I will not be experimenting at Fitness 19 anymore. I will stick to the treadmill and my few trusty arm machines and hope that's good enough. And I would greatly appreciate it if you would share an embarrassing gym story to make me feel cooler.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I will sacrifice my dignity so that you can feel cooler my dear friend Michah!!!:
I was on an arm machine at my gym that you sit on and pull this little bar down, squish it on your thighs, and lock it into place. Then you use the arm levers, and work out your arms. (I hope that made sense, it's hard to describe.)
Well, I finished my arm workout and went to unlock the leg bar, and it was stuck! I couldn't get it unlocked!! And I was the only one in the woman's workout room at the time! I had to sit there for some time before anyone even came in. I told them I couldn't get the machine unlocked so they went and got some hottie who works the front desk to man-handle the machine and rescue me- the maiden in distress! I was so embarrassed!

Anonymous said...

*Sorry I spelled your name wrong!!

WigintonFamily said...

when i started at the ymca in the noke, i asked for a trainer for the first day. she went around to the different machines and showed me how to use them, and helped me figure otu the right weight, reps, etc. you should get an appointment for one. it was free, just took like 20 minutes for her to show me around. and i wrote down what she said, the weight and reps for each machine.

personally i like the eliptical. you can read a book while you do those things. they rock.

don't be a wussy. go back. get your lazy butt in shape. do it. I SAID DO IT!!!

love, steph

Micah said...

Steph - after the day described here, I asked the girl at the front desk about working with a trainer. She informed me that you have to purchase a package, and the smallest package is 5 sessions for $99. Which I promptly declined.

Daniel said...

There should be gyms that don't let anyone in except for scrawny straight men who don't know what they're doing. I would go to one of those.

Melissa said...

I tried really hard to get the stationary bike screen to come on until someone told me you have to pedal to make it go.

To Daniel: I think you should invent that, but you'd have to impose a six visit limit or something. By then folks would have figured out the machines. OR, you could limit membership to *stupid* scrawny straight men, in which case you couldn't attend any more....

Unknown said...

What good motivators we were for each other to NOT work out, run, or generally do ANYTHING good for ourselves! I miss you!!

Susanna said...

I just found these blog posts! You have to alert me when you update!! I do have an embarrassing gym story, though. I was trying to use the machine where you put your knees under a thing and then your ankles over a thing. But I thought that you had to put your ankles under and your knees over. So that is what I did. And then I tried to lift my ankles, and it didn't work. This prob doesn't make sense, but oh well.